Download e-book for iPad: Barriers Between Women by Paula J. Caplan Ph.D (auth.)

By Paula J. Caplan Ph.D (auth.)

This booklet is an exploration of a few of the mental and so­ cial-psychological components that experience created boundaries among girls. specific realization is paid to the daughter-mother dating. The content material is predicated on psychotherapy fabric, try out effects and conversations with sufferers and non-patients throughout a large age span. I got the fabric in my numerous roles as a clinician, researcher and theorist-and, regularly, as a girl, with no matter what distinctive biases and specified understandings that may contain. simply because a lot of the ebook bargains with the improvement of wom­ en's problems in relationships with different ladies, the emphasis will frequently be on how the growing to be daughter feels in her dating together with her mom. The mother's emotions might be mentioned little or no for 2 purposes: to restrict the scope of this booklet and since a lot of what applies to the daughter additionally applies to the mum. it is usually because of her personal reviews as a daughter that the mummy encounters trouble in rearing her personal daughter or feeling com­ fortable approximately her skill to take action. however it is necessary for the reader to remember during the e-book that child-rearing is a frighten­ ing, tough job a minimum of a part of the time for almost each mom. In any long term dating, one starts off to event one's personal wishes, and it's easily human to need that the opposite individual within the courting (even an toddler or younger baby) might meet these needs.

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This same aspect in mother-daughter relationships often makes daughters feel that their needs for love are boundless and will never be met. We shall now examine in some detail how this develops. The importance to society of women becoming mothers and thereby receiving respect (of a kind they have not been able to earn in any other capacity) is reflected in such phrases as "motherhood, the flag, and apple pie. " This importance has been unquestioned, awe-inspiring, and is one reason for the harsh attacks on feminists who suggest changes in childrearing and parenting roles.

Thus the daughter grows up feeling inadequately nurtured. When she becomes a mother, she will have unmet needs and may turn to her own daughter, hoping the daughter will meet them. Daughters and mothers often collude in descriptions of this situation, such as "My mother is more of a friend to me than a mother," which seem acceptable and which sidestep the actual role reversal (daughter protecting and nurturing mother) that is taking place. In the Diary of Anne Frank (Frank, 1952), Anne says her mother cast her in the role of an equal rather than of a child who needed both nurturance and someone to look up to.

Early foundations are laid for the daughter to become happily strong, competent and independent, and the mother usually participates in these: they break into a smile when a six-week-old daughter first smiles, they help the young child learn to walk. Here, the mother is encouraging her daughter's growth, not smothering her increasing separateness, and it is only in the most extreme pathological cases that mothers do not do such positive things at all. Therefore, it is probably misleading to attribute conflicts between daughter and mother extensively to their presumably basic need to merge into each other.

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